I’m 22 years old and I don’t have a clue of what I want to do for a living.

I lie. I have a clue. A lot of clues. Too many clues!

I love watching movies, TV shows, reading and playing video games. I also like to write, to a degree. But I don’t have the desire to create none of those things. Don’t get me wrong, if you gave me a camera and a nice enough budget I would be thrilled to create a film. I think I would easily come up with ideas and I would love to put them to practise. I doubt they would be any good, but that is getting away from the subject. What I mean by this, is I have never felt compelled to create. Never felt an urge to make something. I would much rather be a bystander to other people’s creations. Bukowski once said something like “If you don’t feel an urge to create, then don’t”. (He phrased it a lot better but I’m to lazy to look it up).

Right now I’m a student of social and communication sciences. I have no idea if that’s how you say it in English; it’s a mix of journalism, public relations and publicity. I hate it. I will soon start studying literature or cinema. Or both, I’m undecided (and indecisive).

So what employment choices are there for an unimaginative film and book lover? Basically, bitch about films and books you can’t and won’t make: become a critic. It would probably be pretty great to be a critic. Be paid to do what you would normally do for free, sounds amazing to me! (and I’m not endorsing prostitution, by the way). The problem is, everyone’s a critic. Not figuratively, in the sense that everyone has and is entitled to his or her own opinions. literally. One in every two people has a blog where they rant about their opinions (this data is certified by COBWURSF®, Community of bloggers who use random statistics freely). It’s almost impossible to stand out without compromising your beliefs. And that wouldn’t even be a problem for me. I have a lot of beliefs… and I live by none of them.© But I have yet to find a subject so controversial that would be a job-getter. I could say The Godfather is a shitty movie, that Citizen Kane is overrated, that Seinfeld is not the best sitcom ever, that God is real or that the girl from Twilight is, in fact, a good actress, but I suspect that blatantly ignoring the truth would bring me no more than a few hits (there may be a double meaning here); it would be hardly enough to make my writing skills a sought after commodity.

Someone please let me write electrocardiograms for a living!

So as I slowly start grasping reality and I realize that even my second-rate dream isn’t close to coming true I started to look for alternatives. I’m 6″4 and weigh about 200 pounds. The thought of becoming a bouncer has crossed my mind but I’m way to pretty to scare people away. (The use of pretty instead of handsome was not by chance). I could work in a coffee-shop. I have, as a part-time job for five years. It would kill me to do it for five more. Literally. I drink about 10 coffees a day when I’m working. And not that lame-ass black water americans drink. I’m talking about real hardcore Portuguese coffee!

My choices start to look slighter and slighter. No distinguishable skills and no inclination to work in pretty much anything can do that to one’s prospects.

One thing I do know is that I would hate to spend my days sitting behind the same desk for the rest of my life. Dickens has a passage (the one that prompted me to ejaculate this) that pretty much describes what I dread the most about that kind of job.

Cramped in all kinds of dim cupboards and hutches at Tellson’s, the oldest men carried the business gravely. When they took a young man into Tellson’s London house, they hid him somewhere till he was old. They kept him in a dark place, like a cheese, until he had the full Tellson flavour and blue mould upon him. Then only he was permitted to be seen, spectacularly poring over large books, and casting his breeches and gaiters into the general weight of the establishment.

As I look to the bleekness of it all I realize it is time to take action! If I don’t work at it I will never become better. If I don’t become better, I’ll never become a critic. I mustn’t delay what I’ve got to do. I must critic then; right away!

“Mum! This sandwich has too much lettuce!”  ★★★★★

Why all the lettuce?!


  1. Really enjoyed this, along with the politically incorrect 9gags on previous pages :).

    Thanks so much for liking my blog – much appreciated.

    And by the way, your writing in no way gives away that you’re not a 1st Language English speaker – I think it’s time to remove the bad grammar disclaimer on your home page ;).

    1. I glad you liked it! I also enjoyed your writing!
      AS to the disclaimer I’m inclined to keep it there for a long time, just in case. 🙂

  2. This post resonated with me so much, I also have no idea what I want to be when I grow up and no urge to create despite my love of books and media in general. Except that I do actually have a job and a ‘career’ of sorts which I enjoy in a ‘take it or leave it’ kind of way. Really enjoy your writing (although I do think that sandwich deserved at least three stars…), it’s exciting to find a blog I want to read more of!

  3. Oh, and I always thought teachers were excited to read our papers! 🙂
    I also enjoyed your blog! I had no idea what a Paleo was, and I suspect few people do!

  4. I am so glad you commented on my blog as it allowed me to see your own! I believe we have very much in common! Right now I am doing the whole college lit teaching and TALKING about the books is awesome–grading the papers for hours on end–not as amazing. 🙂


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